If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
