The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
