Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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