Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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