i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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