onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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