i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
