After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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