his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
