i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
