It's like God shit irony all over that family
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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