I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
