woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
