She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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