i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
