We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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