Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
