i barfeds in our rink
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
