Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
