i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
