but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
