I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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