i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just pee around me
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
