I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
