i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
