Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
