i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
