drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
