I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
