Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
