i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
