Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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