Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
