Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
wow bdsm is so cute
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
How naked do you want me to be?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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