ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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