Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
