He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
