peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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