he shaved USA in his pubs
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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