i love accidental penises.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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