Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
