EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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