do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
