The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
