He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
