We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
