the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
