anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
