there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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