WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
